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goodbye

I’m officially handing the blog over now. thank you to those who sent me warm messages.

I love you all and I will miss you.

"Lies" by Sin Fang Bous

"everybody preys in the woods
I don’t care, but I wish that I would
she’s the sun and I’m the rain
it was nothing but shouting again

all the while I breathe in pain
because I know that I’ll see you again
look down on old friends
they stay the same, but I’m changing again

everybody preys in the woods
I don’t care, but I wish that I would
she’s the sun and I’m the rain
but it was nothing but shouting again

I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t close my eyes
I wanted to write something true
I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t close my eyes
say something real, but only came up with
lies, lies, lies, lies

the same town but all its life
they never turned off the city lights
they spit on their floors
they’re the same, mine and yours

I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t closed my eyes
I wanted to write something true
I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t closed my eyes
say something real, but only came up with
lies, lies, lies, lies
lies…”

this may be my favourite song, so it feels appropriate to have it be the last “currently-listening-to” song.

"Bright House" by Seadbear

"I don’t need this body
or this house any more
I’m fallen down
I’m snowed in
all is cold
all is bright

you can keep my body in your house
to stop the blood from pouring out

while I was away
you let your hair grow long
I’m feeling ill
and I can’t sing
without you
in my blood

you can keep my spirit in your house
to stop the blood from crying out

I don’t need these hands
or this head any more
I fell down
I’m snowed in
all is cold
all is bright

you can keep my body in your house
to stop the blood from pouring out

you can keep my spirit in your house
to stop the blood from crying out”

"The Trees Keep Growing" by Azure Ray

"I never expected you
to love me
the way I loved you

I never expected you
to love me
the way I loved you

to have you near
was all I wanted
just to have you near 

it’s funny how you can forget there’s a world outside yourself
where the trees keep growing and the cars keep moving
without you there

and it’s funny how you can forget there’s a world outside yourself
where the one who loves you keeps on living
without you there

I never expected you
to love me
the way I loved you…”

I am giving up the blog

this post may come as a surprise to many of my followers, but I’m sure some of you knew this day would come sooner than later.

I am giving up this blog because I just don’t have time for anymore it. I started it back when I was unemployed, and I sort of figured that after I found a job, it would just fade out of existence. but I enjoyed it, and I liked many of the people I met here, and so I tried to keep it going. the queue worked for a while, but I felt like I was far more absent from the community here when I did that. and as more and more of my day becomes devoted to work, wedding planning, and housekeeping, I have less and less free time to spend with my fiancée and working on my own writing.

as much as I’ve enjoyed running this blog, and been touched by my interactions with some of you, I am also in the process of building a new life for myself and achieving some of my dreams. I am marrying the woman I love in less than two months, and that’s incredible to me. there was a time in my life where I didn’t really believe that happiness could be mine. I didn’t believe I would find a place in this world that would accept me as a lesbian, let alone a single person who would love and accept me as a human. I’m glad I was able to share the joy of our engagement with many of you months ago, and I really do appreciate those of you who talked to me on here. many of you do not realise just how important being able to connect with other people here and not feel like a freak has been for me. it’s helped remind me how the written word has the power to give me a voice, and so now that I’ve settled into my job, the urge to return to my drafts of novels and short stories has been rekindled. so thank you.
 

I don’t entirely know what is going to become of this blog. I don’t intend to delete it. I’m planning to hand it over to a friend I met on here, and whose own blogs have been a major source of images these past few months. he’s a good guy, so I hope you’ll stick around. his tastes aren’t exactly like mine, but there’s plenty of overlap. just expect less busts in the sculptural sense and more busts in the mammary sense

I plan on handing the blog over in a few days (perhaps Tuesday night?), so if anyone wants to message me before I go, I’ll be able to see it. please don’t be shy about messaging me, even if we haven’t talked on here before. I’ll put up a post when I finally do hand it over as a final farewell. I’m very sorry to leave like this. I love you all and I’ll miss you.